So after writing about 30 minutes I remembered that I had to go to store because at that point I already knew that this will be a long journal and I wanted to get something to eat. On my way to store a random lady approached to me and said that it is her birthday today and that she doesn't have anyone who would wish a happy birthday to her. So I had two choices over there, either walk away fast or say something. She looked a bit like a hobo but not quite, I guess she just didn't have anyone and people who live alone are obviously lonely, so they want to talk to someone.
Instead of walking away and ignoring her I shook her hand and wished her happy birthday, because I knew that it wouldd make her day better. She was really happy and smiled, she turned around and walked away but before that she said.
"It's my birthday, I don't have anyone but I still shine like a sun."
I felt like it would be a scene from a book or movie but it wasn't and this sentence made me smile a bit and I knew that it was right decision to stop and congratulate her.
Rest of my way to store and back home I just had to think about this sentence and the meaning behind it. That's why I like to walk, I can be alone and think about different kind of stuff - stuff that I usually don't think about. I realized that there's so many people I know who day to day tell me that everything is so bad for them and sometimes I'm just tired myself because I have to convince them that everything will be fine.
I'm lucky enough to be one of those who almost never worries. I used be so nervous when I had to stand in front of the class and talk but less than a year before I graduated highschool I felt pain my my chest and I had to see a doctor. Next thing I knew I was taken to another city and I had to be in hospital for one week because of my heart. I think I even wrote a journal about it at that time. I remember when I was taken to third floor and my mother, father and sister had to stay behind. Elevator doors were closing and through the closing doors there was my mother, crying. Of course it made me emotional as well but I managed to hide it because I had a nurse next to me and I have to tell you, nurses in that hospital were hot. So I didn't want to cry in front of them!
Anyway, as said before I had to be in a hospital for a week and they run so many tests and put some strange liquids in me. There was one nurse who was only few years older than me and she had to take care of me. We managed to talk when she pushed my wheelchair because I wasn't allowed to walk and she was nice to me. So this one week over there wasn't that bad. Only bad thing about it was that my finals where only one month away and I didn't have any materials. By the end of this week doctor came in for the last time and said that I shouldn't be in front of the computer for too long and that I should continue doing sports but to be a bit more careful. Because there's always two cases when I feel the pain, I'm either doing some hard physical work or when I'm stressed out.
It wasn't the perfect timing because my finals where only one month away but I knew that I can't be nervous. And then suddenly I realized, it is stupid to be nervous. Will it make me feel better? Will it make my grades better? Will it make anything better?
Being nervous or not, it doesn't change the outcome.
So it was the finals day and while most of my classmates where studying I didn't, because I knew that these last minutes of studying won't help me, I had done all my work in home, I just had to relax. So I did my finals and I got one of the best results in my class. In fact, I hadn't studied for geography at all but I got the best result and I lost only few points. Being a fan of geography helped me a lot of course, but still.
My point is that nervousness and happiness are related, a lot. Stress and nervousness sends negative emotions to your brain, however smiling and being happy reflects your positive emotions. That's why kids laugh about 200-300 times a day but adults laugh only about 10-20 times (of course kids also laugh because they can save some new knowledge with it and it expresses their games). But you can't be happy when your brain already processes negative emotions of nervousness.
To conclude this story, even if it sounds corny as hell, happiness is a choice. Being unhappy, even if you have the worst time of your life, won't make anything better for you.